We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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