Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
