You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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