She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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