so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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