Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize