You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
