You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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