I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
