he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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