meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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