thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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