And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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