i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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