Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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