I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
