I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
