remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I want her autograph on my taint
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize