I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
