Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
