I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
