Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
