Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize