I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
