alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
