I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
