id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
