Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
