Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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