He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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