the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
