I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
