I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
