i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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