Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
