Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
