Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
