You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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