I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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