Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
