never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
