you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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