i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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