6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't deserve a penis
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
