Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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