Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Pappa wants mamma naked
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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