well you can't waste a boner
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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