I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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