I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
