I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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