Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
