you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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