party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
