Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
