he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
