I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
