just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
