Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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