it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
