You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
