I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
