Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sorry about my life...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
