does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
