Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
