i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
