I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
