..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
