This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
