So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
