As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
