so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
