Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
