At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
