Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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