you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
