Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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