I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
