im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
