she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
